Guard Dog named Pain

Posted: July 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

Its not so easy to let go of pain, especially when the pain has become a part of who you are. It has given you characteristics as you grew with it and it develops its own character. You get used to it, used to living with it, you get used to its company. What was once a burden you wish to get rid of, now becomes a source of comfort, a refuge away from risk, and a warning from all things .. . .new.

And when you do step out and things happen to fail, its waiting there with open arms whispering ‘I told you so’. As you relax into its familiar shackles, you finally feel able to breathe because you feel protected, by its barbed wire keeping you away and everyone or everything away from you.

As long as you hold on to that pain and remember it, it feels empowering to think ‘It won’t happen again’. So you wear it like a badge of honor, a bad attitude, sharp tongue, and rabid fits of rage. It’s the warning.

As hurt on top of hurt builds without release, it gets even stronger, telling you to guard it closer and to let it guard you.

The guard dog named Pain.

SFO 🙂

Looking at the storm that’s pending above me. The sky never looked so close. Its almost suffocating. Just earlier it was a sea of blue with gloriously white puffy clouds scattered about. As they say a breath of fresh air. But now . . . In this moment, its crouching on with the threat of doom and destruction. And all I have left is the memory of the awe I felt gazing into the infinite blue. Yet I can’t feel the hope of wanting to see the beautiful blue again, not right now. Why don’t I miss it?  Where does this indifference come from?
This cloudy sky is comforting in some way. In this moment its my matching set. I feel like it knows me. Like I can tell these suffocating and oh so threatening clouds everything. Without fear of disappointment, or judgments, no expectation of me to shoot for the stars, or to reach for the sky. Oh the peace.
The storms gloom and my sarcasm play together with the fairytale of hope. Like there’s an unspoken understanding, an inside joke. This unorthodox comfort, it’s not the calm before the storm, but more so, a form of serenity before the intensity of the blue skies.
Your comfy bed vs the next merger meeting. Sweats and a bandana vs the bodycon and a full lace. Friends you chill with vs friends you entertain. . .

Sometimes you need a day to just exist. Living in the moment is great, but can be exhausting too. Planning for the future is a necessity but can be stressful as well. IT IS ok to not have all the answers this minute.

Appreciate your stormy days. Enjoy your blue sky.

SFO 🙂

Strange for Odd

Posted: June 23, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

So I have decided to start a blog. Nothing fancy, nothing big just a simple test I guess. I have a friend that encouraged me to start a blog about hair and a different friend that encouraged me to put my poems out there. I have considered it for some time, just a personal one, but never knew what I should really write about, or who would even read it?  But here I am, on an impulse I must add.

Strange for Odd. The name came because I couldn’t think of something clever to call this. I love most things odd, just a little off, I like to call it. I guess I’d like to think of myself as odd, just because I really don’t dig . . normal. To be strange even for whats is already odd . . . now that would be something exciting!  Corny right. Oh well. It is what it is.

With the end of this first post Ill leave you with this,

I am who I am; I’ll be who I will be; No glitz and No glam; You see what You see

Be blessed!

SFO 🙂